Script Sample 1

FREDDI FISH:
THE MALTESE FLOUNDER


Written by

Paul Merrill

Scene – Kitty Catfish Club – Inside

Condition: Freddi and Luther enter the Kitty Catfish Club for the first time.

Freddi and Luther enter. The club is dark, except for some red and blue lights. In the corner, under a small blue spotlight, a jazz quartet is playing. Bags Blowfish (who looks like Dizzy Gillespie) is playing trumpet. Bags blows up like a balloon when he’s playing trumpet. After the song ends, and Bags deflates, Freddi and Luther approach Bags.

FREDDI

Wow! You’re good!

BAGS

(in a scratchy “Satchmo” voice)

Thanks kid. And who might you be?

FREDDI

My name’s Freddi Fish, and this is my best friend Luther.

LUTHER

Hi!

BAGS

Pleased to meet your acquaintances. My name’s Bags Blowfish and this is my band. You got Billy Bass on the bass (“base”)…

BILLY

What’s happenin’, short stuff?

BAGS

Hidin’ behind the piano over there is Mr. Otter Potter.

OTTER

(meekly)
Hello.

BAGS

And finally, we got ol’ six arms on the skins.

LUTHER

I thought an octopus was supposed to have eight arms.

SIX ARMS

Well, nobody’s perfect!

BAGS

Now then, what can we do for you two youngsters?

FREDDI

Well Mr. Blowfish, Luther and I were wondering if you knew anything about the “Maltese Flounder”?

BILLY BASS

The Maltese Flounder?!

Terrified, Billy Bass spreads the strings on his big, upright, bass guitar like a curtain and hops inside.

OTTER POTTER

The Maltese Flounder?!

Otter Potter lifts up the keys of his piano, as if they were a rug, and squeezes underneath them to hide.

SIX ARMS (OCTOPUS)

The Maltese Falcon! I mean, the Maltese Flounder!

Six Arms pulls his tentacles into his body so that he looks like a basketball with eyes. He then bounces himself across the floor, off the wall, and into a trashcan. Luther and Freddi look at each other for a second.

LUTHER

Was it something we said?

BAGS BLOWFISH

Awww, them scaredy-cat fish are jus’ superstitious.

FREDDI

What do you mean, Mr. Blowfish?

BAGS BLOWFISH

Well you see kids, some folk ‘round here think that the old Maltese Flounder is … (dramatically) Cursed!

Band-mates hiding in instruments shudder and whine.

BAGS BLOWFISH

Ah-ha-ha-ha-ha! But nobody in their right mind believes that old fish tale.

FREDDI

Do you know where the Maltese Flounder is, Mr. Blowfish?

BAGS BLOWFISH

Well, I can’t say I ever saw the thing my ownself. You oughta ask ol’ Piranha Pete at the newsstand.

LUTHER

P-P-P-P-Piranha?!

BAGS BLOWFISH

Aww, don’t you worry ‘bout ol’ Pete. All his teeth fell out years ago! That ol’ timer’s been around even longer than me! Ha-ha-ha! He’ll be able to tell you whatever you need to know. Be sure to tell ‘em ol’Bags sent ya.

FREDDI

Thanks a lot, Mr. Blowfish.

BAGS BLOWFISH

Anytime, kids. (to bandmates) Now come on out of there, you cowards! We got some rehearsin’ to do!

Scene – Kitty Catfish Club – Inside

Condition: click on Bags Blowfish without having ever left the Kitty Catfish Club scene.

- 1 –

FREDDI

Where is the newsstand, anyway?

BAGS BLOWFISH

Just up the street, kid. You can’t miss it.

- 2 –

FREDDI

Do think any of your band-mates know anything about the . . . (whispers) Maltese Flounder?

BAGS BLOWFISH

You kidding me? These cats can barely tie their shoes, dig?

- 3 & C –

LUTHER

Say, Mr. Blowfish, does your face hurt when you blow it up like that?

BAGS BLOWFISH

Well shorty, let’s just say you shouldn’t try it at home. Ah-ha-ha-ha!